Some actual headlines

   Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

   New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

   Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

   Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

   Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

   Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

   Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

   Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

   Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

   Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

   Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

   British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

   Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

   Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

   Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

   Miners Refuse to Work after Death

   Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

   Stolen Painting Found by Tree

   Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout counter

   Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

   War Dims Hope for Peace

   If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

   Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

   Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

   Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

   Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

   Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

   New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

   Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

   Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

   Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy